The act of something now condones its infinite succession into the future. Next time does not exist. It is a self constructed lie that you use to disarm your higher nature’s attempt to become itself. An impulse arises, your spirit raises its arms in defense, and your nature cleaves it in half. Its destruction is elegant in that you are soothed into the belief and promise of deferring your life to a later date. But of course there’s no reason to believe such a thing, because the odds of you changing so much between now and the next moment of weakness, such that the decision becomes easier next time, are basically zero. You will not have practiced the decision, not have practiced another mode of being from this moment to the next, so why on earth would the decision be easier next time as opposed to now? To have an easier go of, for example, not watching porn “next time” would entail you being a different person, because the person who you are now can obviously not resist the impulse. So take this as a factual statement: Next time will be as hard as this time. You cannot say you’ll run ten kilometers next time when you verifiably can’t run five kilometers now. And it’s even worse to believe this lie and use it as a justification for why you won’t attempt to run six kilometers today. It’s a preposterous bout of mental gymnastics.
Heidegger posited that the true horizon of our existence is the present moment, because being and time are so fundamentally intertwined that to exist is to be fully immersed in the “now.” The essence of our being cannot be separated from the temporal context in which we find ourselves; existence is inherently bound to the immediacy of the present. Therefore, understanding our existence necessitates acknowledging the profound connection between our being and the “now” that we inhabit. And when you strip everything down to its nuts and bolts you can see how true this is. Your only certainty in this entire universe is your existence right now, which means that the decision to act now is not only the sole decision to consider, but also the most important, as it will be the groundwork from which the rest of your life will unfold. Like a bird flying above the sparkling ocean from one island to the next, all deeper contemplations of existence lead to the ultimate realization that nothing matters beyond now. So that when you say that you will quit next time you are stating a specious self lie that upon being made naked to the truth, states nothing but this: ‘as far as I’m concerned right now, I will do this thing forever unto my death, and I accept that.’
Let’s state another existential principle: It is how you act, not how you think that defines who you are. You are nothing but a succession of actions and experiences built upon themselves over time – a painting constantly being drawn, a definition incarnate; a mountain of decisions informed by past understanding, and a theoretical concept of being into the future. So that any wrong decision made consciously now leads you further into a life of theory. As an example, let’s say you’re having the thought that you should quit drinking for the thousandth time. You also just finished your third beer of the night, and understand that as far as tonight goes, you have already succumbed to the wrath of your addiction’s whim. Right now, you as a non drinker is a theoretical construct of who you could be tomorrow, just like how you could be a famous musician, have a six pack, or become a doctor when you finally actualize your potential. Of course you could dump your beer out right now and quit forever from that point onwards. But you know, and we all know, that such a thing will not happen. You will finish this beer, you will open a fourth one, then a tenth one, and you will cradle yourself to sleep with the idea of changing one day. How you envision your life means nothing, how you see your trajectory playing out means nothing. What matters is how you act right now, and right now you have decided not to change.
Nevertheless, you trace the potential steps to the actualization of this future self, and the first step seems easy enough in principle – just don’t drink beer tomorrow. But then tomorrow happens and you had a long day at work, and you’re feeling a little depressed, and before you know it you’re standing at the precipice of the liquor store doors. You stop in your tracks and realize this is the exact moment that you had promised to yourself yesterday. You implicitly understand the futility of next time because right now this decision is as hard as ever; it’s as hard as it’s ever been. To turn around now, go home, and reject this automatic self manifestation of failure would be to harmonize your theory of self with your being in time. It would be the greatest, most powerful, most spiritually remarkable action of your entire life. And despite knowing this, feeling it so subliminally that to bring it to the surface would cause you to burst into tears, you step through the threshold of those doors and buy those beers you knew from the top of the morning you were going to buy anyway… Think about it, if not buying those beers, not taking that first step from work to the liquor store were so easy, then you would not be who you are. The whole point of it being difficult is that it’s the result of the infinite succession that you condoned every other day leading up to the present. You are who you are, and who you are drinks beer after work, this is proven. To become somebody that you’re not is to take one stone off the top of the mountain and place it on the flat ground beside it. A beautiful idea, but an ugly practice.
So what do you do? I’ll tell you what you do. You recognize the lie every time it happens and commit to radical honesty with yourself. Self betrayal, when faced with honesty, stops being betrayal and instead transforms into plain old weakness. This is an impossible admission to most, and interestingly brings up a subtle insight into our minds. We would much rather hide behind the illusion of a fractured self than face the reality of congruency marred by inadequacy. Our self perceptions are so fragile that we live our entire lives on repeat because it’s easier to stomach. And in case I have not made myself clear by now, I am not saying that this admission will suddenly alleviate you of your burden to choose, but it will at the very least make you honest, and that is the only place where any real change can ever come from. So next time, instead of saying “next time”, instead tell yourself honestly: “This is who I am, and I am weak.” Voluntarily put the soothing antidote of the future down, and face the difficulty of your freedom and the inadequacy of your being. The overcoming of yourself to become yourself is the adherance to an ideal that transcends mere habit formation. The metaphysical battleground of your transformation is not next time, it’s right now.